I've been frustrated and saddened and overwhelmed by this word. I don't like waiting. What am I waiting for? Why do I have to wait? How long do I have to wait?
I've been talking to the Father non stop about this. Talking His ear off, actually. Waving my hand in His face trying to get Him to answer. He's not talking back a lot these days.
I realized the other day I was correlating His voice with His presence. If He wasn't speaking, He must not be close by. If He wasn't speaking, I must have somehow gotten off track. If I couldn't hear Him something must be wrong.
But when I would all but lost hope, He would tell me to be strong. To be bold. To be courageous. To wait.
Simple. My Father of few words.
Then it hit me the other day exactly what kind of journey I am on right now. Before, I was on a mountain. And I hung out on the mountaintop for quite a while. Got a good glimpse at the horizon and have been steadily hiking back down ever since.
But the other day, He seemed to be going to great lengths to remind me that even when He is quiet He is still there. And I got this image of a long highway. Like I-75 South on the way to Atlanta. I was pestering Him about the direction my life was going, about the next move, which way I was supposed to go.
And clear as day, I realized something very simple. My direction has not changed.
I am still going in the right direction...
His instructions haven't changed. He hasn't told me to do anything differently. Months ago, He set me down on a highway and said, "go". And I've been driving this long stretch ever since. The road I am on is getting me somewhere.
Somewhere is determined by Him. Not by my own plans or ideas. Sometimes in order to get us somewhere, He takes us a lot of different places first.
And right now, as we are driving, God has the windows down. The music is playing quietly on the radio and the wind is making the car sway back and forth. He's comfortable just sitting in silence with me.
He just likes being with me.
But as always, I am talking too much. In the passenger seat asking too many questions, referring to the map one too many times, asking Him over and over again if we are there yet. Wherever there is.
But right now, He just wants to be with me. For us to enjoy each other's presence. This is a long road, and though it is not an easy one, it is a straight one. And when it is time, He will lean forward in His seat and roll up the window. Eventually, we will take an exit off this road. At some point, as they always do, things will change.
But the future I am worried about doesn't even exist yet. I have no idea what is up ahead; absolutely no clue what happens next. All I know is that God has not changed His mind. He has not forgotten about His plans for me. He has not fallen asleep at the wheel.
He just wants us to enjoy each other's company.
Today, I felt like He looked over at me from the driver's seat. Wind blowing His hair in His face. One arm out the window, one resting on the steering wheel. He was grinning.
Wait, He said.
Wait and see.
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