Better is One Day

I just came out of a season of clarity. I heard God speak and followed His direction. I felt as though I was moving and breathing in His will and I was confident. I may have even voiced during this season my fear a day would come when I'd no longer be able to hear Him.

During that time, I assumed not being able to hear God meant I had stumbled out of His will. Silence meant I was unfaithful or just too far away. I understood if anyone was straying, it was me, not God. But I didn't want to be far away from Him.

I remember the day I started praying and realized I couldn't hear a response. The voice, which had been so prominent, so powerful, was gone. And I panicked. I stopped dead in my tracks, swearing not to take another step until I heard His voice again. I was afraid.

And then I remembered a prayer my youngest sister prayed over me before leaving for Africa. A prayer saying: even when I could not hear His voice, I'd know the Father's character enough to be able to follow Him anyway.

I fought for a while, holding my breath, waiting for divine instruction. But Abby's prayer echoed in my ears and I turned my focus to the way I knew God to be - what I knew, without a doubt, He wanted of me.

So I took a tentative step forward.

And another.

So here I am.

Friends, I still see the Father everywhere I go. I see the work of His hand and His light in other's eyes. I stumble across Him in our everyday world and I am amazed at His love and provision.

But I still can't hear Him. Not the way I used to.

I want to worship and follow God because of who He is, not just what He does. I want open eyes to see His children the way He does and be able to teach them about Him. When I can't hear Him audibly, I want to hear the Father in His word. I want to pray without ceasing.

At worship tonight, I had the thought: perhaps God had taken a season of my life to work on my spirit and was now teaching me to look beyond myself. To see Him in the things I have no control over, the things I don't need to interpret.

I begged Him tonight to talk to me. Even if it was the still, small voice... any word from Him would quench my thirst. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought I heard Him tell me I was small. And I needed to be still.

Then we began to sing a song. Which triggered a thought of how lucky I had been to experience a season of spiritual clarity like I have. I wondered how many people live their whole lives and exercise great faith and never receive clear signs and directions from God. My heart resonated with the song.

Better the one day I had with His voice in my ear... better one day of feeling His presence... than a thousand others with anyone else.

So I will continue to take steps forward. Recognizing how blessed I am to see where He has been. I pray for open eyes, to learn to see Him in new ways. Hoping I will be found pure and blameless and will grow to know Him so well that even when He's quiet, I will know which way to go.