the night before

November 1st 2009:
"You told me to get my passport. Or - at least that's what I thought I heard. Maybe it was just to make me listen. Again. Maybe I will use it. Maybe You just want me to be ready. Whatever the case, take this as an act of obedience. Make Your next direction clear."

February 10th 2010:

I am sitting in a dark apartment. With bags packed and ready to go. My passport is tucked safely in the pocket of my carry on. There are clothes tumbling in the dryer. And I'm too excited to sleep. In less than twelve hours I will be on my way to the airport.

I look back over my old journals and am amazed. So grateful God puts up with me like He does. So amazed at the way things are interconnected. The way He intertwines all our stories.

From the way He makes the wind blow - just to let me know He's near.

To the way He stopped the world while my sister prayed for me tonight. Knowing that this side of a year ago, I was the one helping her pack. I was the one crying as I prayed for her.

We think we know who we are.

We think we know what we are capable of. What we were created to do. What we are supposed to do. Who we were created to be.

But we ask for discernment.

For open eyes.

We learn to trust. Not just wholeheartedly, but learn to hand our hearts over to the Father.

Letting go of that which we treasure most - to keep it safe in His arms.

But I will wake up in the morning one person.

And as I am suddenly transported to a place I've never been before - as I get to step foot on the other side of the world for the very first time - I have a feeling God is going to show me that I have no idea...

I have no idea what He can do.

I am no where near who I am supposed to be.

Whatever the case, dear Father, take this as an act of obedience. Continue to speak so I can hear You - and when You choose to be quiet, fill me with the Spirit, so I can discern where You are... where I should go.

-

October 25th, 2009:
"I tried to listen to the music above the drone of people here at Common Grounds. There was African music playing, just so subtly I could barely distinguish it. A beat. Lost under all the noise."