secret

Want to hear a secret?
Maybe it's too early to tell.
I don't want to jinx it by saying it out loud.
But my heart learned long ago that the Lord I love, Papa, He's not spiteful.
He does not withhold for His pleasure.  But for His purpose.

So when I heard Him say, "Anna, do what I have asked you to do then so I can do what I have planned to do", I knew that the proverbial ball was in my court.  I was calling the shots -- I hate calling the shots.  He has said, leaning back in His chair and indicating with His hand, "It's your move."

That's how this will move forward.

Last night, curled up on the couch, I replayed the last six months of my life.  Like rewinding an old VHS, watching it go by in a blur.  Highlights stick out in my mind, moments when I knew things had changed forever.  There have been so many of those. 

And so even as I wrap up my tenth semester of college, as life rushes by in a chaotic breath of hugs and term papers and tight budgets, I hear it. 

I recall the many hours spent praying.  The many years spent begging.  The many opportunities He has allowed me to pursue, always calling me back here.  To this place on the map.  He's called me to change.  He's called me to do something different.  He's called me to grow and stretch and strengthen.  But He's never let me leave.  Not yet. 

In a wild whirlwind of pursual and emails and ideas, I submitted an application.  Seven pieces of paper, which were easier to fill out than anything else I'd ever completed.  A quick email.  A quick response.

And in the whistle of a train, on the lips of a poet, in a color now set apart. 

I hear it. 

It's time to go.

Did I hear Him right?  A smile finds its way to my lips.  I guess we'll see.  This is my secret.  And just like every other road I've explored, every opportunity I've pursued, the door may be shut and I will be sent on my way.

But I hear it.  Ever so faintly.  The words have come as peace.

It's time...