Re:

Teetering on the very edge.  Shift weight.  Precarious.

The fear of it is worse than the falling.  The catch in your chest, the adrenaline pulsing in your armpits.  Or the dread, heavy in your belly.  You know.

I know where my decisions lead.

And so I sit, swinging my battered, bruised legs over the edge.  I know.  And I want.  A word whispers around my ears, tickling the back of my neck.  A word I crave.  A word whose echo sounds like more.

The world, to me, will never look the same.  Once you've taken a glance over the edge, once you've felt the air here at the end of all you know, and learn how you can't reach the end of Him.  The words string together.  A language their own.  One I know, salty on the back of my tongue.

I've been thrown off balance.  Thrown by high speed and lack of oxygen.  It's not too heavy, but I've been handed more than I know how to hold.  Rearrange.  Recalibrate.  Repack.

Some should be discarded.  Thrown over that edge, disregarded.  But some newness must stay, must integrate and become part of me.  Settle into the stretched out, hollowed, reinforced places.  You will see this and reject.  What, who, how I am and became at the edges may not fit into the spaces you have.

Identity restored.  I find myself distracted and drawn back towards.  A steady, deep rhythm in sync with the beating of my own heart.  If held still, only for a moment, I will find it again.  Truth beats here.  The truth within.  The truth without.  They match.

I know where my decisions lead.

And the power within the words I speak.

One step.  One muscle contracts.  In the right direction.  In the name, for the sake, of the words tickling my ears.

I am right.  In tune.  Intuitive.

I know people.  And I know this edge.  I know the emptiness hanging below my feet and I know how I could sit forever and watch the shame fall.  But with new scars and stronger muscles and more limber tendons, armed with words the world will try and deflate, I stand up.

The world I will reencounter is not the one I left behind.  I dropped so much.  And the path's leading elsewhere.

On the edge I collided with truth.  In the whirlwind of discovery I lost my breath.

Inhale.


Exhale.

Find me here.  At the edge.  Reclaiming breath.  Restoring dignity.  Redeeming love.