In Anticipation

I woke up this morning, asking the Lord to let me experience His presence.

On a daily basis I encounter Him.  I see Him everywhere I go.  So often I recognize His hand at work.  But  very often, our interactions are the equivalent of unexpectedly running into each other in the grocery store.  While picking out a loaf of bread, I turn around, and find myself face to face with Jesus.  And He is familiar and so welcomed.  But you know, I see Him all the time.  We pick out our bread and go on.

This afternoon I was working.  The store was quiet and cool.  I was wiping sticky yogurt off of handles and counter space when I saw him.  In a beanie and cordones and wool shorts.  He sat down on the couches on the patio and crossed his leg.  I couldn't help but smile.  Oh how I love this boy.  I walked slowly to the door of my store and opened it.  Leaning out, I whispered his name.

He turned around and his face lit up and he jumped to give me a huge hug.  "I have missed you", we both said.

This was the sort of encounter I wanted with Jesus today.  I wanted a rib-crushing embrace from my savior... to see him across the room and go running.  Because we love each other.  And we've missed each other.

After work I went to Jo-Beth.  In all my down time, I've been heading over there to hide.  I grab a book, find a hidden, comfy chair and just sit a while.  No one bothers me.  Everyone is speaking quietly.  They always play great music.  The whole place smells like new paper.

Today, I walked in on a mission.  Hours later, I still have no idea what I was looking for.  But you better believe I was looking for it.  Would you be surprised if I told you I didn't find it?

Maybe I was looking for help, inspiration, or direction.  I needed to read it in big, printed words:  instructions, perhaps.  Answers.

I felt suddenly lost.  Like I couldn't get quite enough air.  The words I needed -- to say and hear -- were on the tip of my tongue.  Too many disjointed thoughts and deflated hopes.

As I made one more disoriented lap around the bookstore, I passed the wind chimes.

I heard it then.  Quiet and clear.  The familiarity of it brought a smile to my face.  This voice had once told me to get my passport.  Another time, while I was making a peanut butter sandwich, had promised my husband had already been sent to Kentucky.  Yet again, while serving frozen yogurt to a beautiful, little, bi-racial boy named Jacob, the voice whispered, "I promise".

So in the middle of Jo-Beth, right beside the wind chimes, the still, small voice said "Quit giving up."

I think I broke out into the biggest smile.  Right there in the middle of the store.  "Well, there you are..." I replied.

The Spirit whispered to my heart again.  In a characteristic, funny way -- dripping with attitude and personality.  "Quit. Giving. Up."  Still quiet.  Decided.

I knew exactly what I was being convicted of... exactly what the Spirit was saying.

Wait, Anna.  Waiting means you are living in anticipation.  Not doubt.  Not worry.  In healthy, expectant, joyful anticipation and trust.  I promised.  Remember?  I talked to you about this.  Just because it may feel like I am taking too long... doesn't mean I've forgotten.  Just because the day has not yet come, does not mean it never will.  Wait.  Quit giving up.  


I was, in fact, searching for something in the middle of Jo-Beth.  But my heart was in tune enough to recognize that what I was seeking... was not the words of man, but the very presence of God.

Not much later, I was sitting on a patio.  Reading Ephesians 3, drinking iced green tea.  And the wind started to blow.  I couldn't help but smile and quietly whisper, Ah.  I've missed You.