a parenting thought

8/23/22

 My parenting journey has been anything but "normal".  

Sometimes I am envious of mothers who have a linear parenting story.  Who, if they want to, have a private parenting story.  

My story, our family's story, is anything but linear.  And in some sense, is anything but private.

I am suspicious, though, what we are experiencing as a family of eight is not unlike what you are experiencing.  We just have a few dynamics making the experience extra interesting. 

A trend I am seeing on social media is one of holding boundaries with our parents or holding our parents accountable for how they hurt us, or how they failed us.  I am about a decade older than most who are exploring this wild territory and I have some thoughts.  

Each generation, hopefully, does better than the one before it.  Because my parents evolved, I was not raised the way they were.  Because I have evolved, I am not raising children the way I was raised.  

However.  The pendulum seems to be swinging too far right now.  

As a bonus parent to two teen (ish) girls, I am seeing this trend promote blurry lines between entitlement and respect.  

As a bonus parent and a bio parent and a mental health professional, I am seeing this desire to have make sure our children are "heard" and "validated" turn into a lack of guidance and correction.  

Gentle parenting turning into little more than permissive parenting. 

I keep thinking about what my goals are for parenting and for my children.  I want them to know how to communicate.  But I also want them to be empathetic.

And just because someone is a child or just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they automatically are wrong.  This is the balance we are trying to find.

I have to do better about learning what really is a threat and what isn't.

And my children have to learn ... well.  How to be kinder.