this morning i was driving into lexington and behind me the sun was rising and in front of me the darkest storm clouds were churning. it looks like spring.
a song came on pandora and all i heard were the words, we don't get to be here long.
i spent the morning in an interdisciplinary meeting, shadowing, pretending i don't know what i came to learn.
bereavement risk.
spiritual risk.
grief.
loss.
thankful.
loss of control.
words being thrown around in the way that only professionals can throw them.
all ive been thinking about all morning is how short of a time we have.
that at the rate we are going, and if im lucky to die of old age, fifty or sixty more years doesn't seem like enough.
its not enough.
and my eyes are hot and puddled as i say that.
i hope for reincarnation.
i hope there's a pause. of glory and relief.
and i hope one breath rolls into another and you are crying as you are rebirthed.
not because heaven isn't real.
or because i dont believe in what comes next.
i just hope that's what comes next.
and i hope that we get enough life that we eventually arrive to the end and we feel satisfied.
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