when healing does

It was there when I woke up this morning.

I knew it would be.  I had expected it earlier than today, but no later than. 

A great and tiny thing.  Flat, tucked under the mat.  A great weapon, tool, relinquished back to me.

As I opened the door and stooped down to get it, I heard the axe make the final chop to the tree.

And I was far away then, out of it's shadow, to listen to the mighty falling of it.  The crashing, which meant I had done what I needed to do. 

But it's not one of those hurtful things. 

Maybe, like Judah's umbillical cord, or the scab on a wound.

Separation happens when healing does. 

Still.  It was there when I woke up this morning and bless my heart, if it wasn't one of those concrete, tangible wonders He often uses to cause progress in me.

That big, unmistakable sign.  This time reminding me, Anna, you did not give up.  This was not something you walked away from.  This was not a mistake you made.  This was not your failure.  You just kept the door locked.

~

Today I had a long conversation with a parent.  I haven't been doing this long, but I can already tell you she is not here to be a foster parent.  Not because she's not qualified, not because she's not ready, not because she's not able, not because she won't finish and take placements.  But God has her here for a different reason.  To walk her through a different journey. And she's found her way to my office, I am the one who's supposed to lead the way.

Inadequate doesn't cut it. 

But she didn't want to leave, when our two hours were up.  She didn't want to go, saying that being in my presence was refreshing.  Even though we'd sat in my tiny office and talked through the hard things, the malignant things, the unhealthy things, the losses of it all and the gains, she was walking away... refreshed. 

So there it is, the new garden.