who i am

reality sets in.
the story unravels, pieces disintegrate.

franticly i reach out to retrieve.
to salvage.

but this will take rebuilding.
this will take reconstruction.

one look, one turned back.
a beginning and an end.

as far as it depends on me.
restoration is what i seek.

i know who i am.
the disparity causes stress.

i know who i am.
but the world can't see it.

for the exhaustion.
for the defeat.

offense is weak.
defense is my mechanism.

reclaim.
restore.

redeem.
redeem.

in your eyes i see truth.
truth and pain i cannot shake.

but i am not the answer.
and you are not mine.

push through.
the mess pulls at my feet.

bogged down.
by my own volition, destroyed at my own hand.

words remind me of His expression towards me.
knowing eyes I have to fight to meet.

what did they say,
"just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost"

just because I'm tired doesn't mean I'm gone
rest.  rest in Me.

like a film, drawing you to the edge of your seat
here is the climax, the inciting incident

here is where it changes.
here is where I demand it stops.

whatever "it" is
cannot stand against who I am.

Whose I am.
And the plans He has for me.

The way He will redeem this story
the paths He will gently lead me on.

The mountains He will pull me up.
The rushing waters He will carry me through.

Defeated?
Broken?

Lost?
Fatigued?

we call this the development of character
the way muscles grow

He hands me a hammer.
We will rebuild.

And where a wall was once, destroyed
up will rise a fortress

"You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it’s conflict that changes a person... You put your characters through hell. You put them through hell. That’s the only way we change." (DM)