High Expectations

Well. I never thought this day would come. The day I would have the option right in front of me, and I would still choose singleness. When I would be so assured of God's plan for my future, I would be content to continue waiting.

I've always said I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that wasn't right for me. But did I believe it? Maybe not until now. Maybe not until today.

I've also always said I would only date a man who loved Jesus. I keep hearing Braeden's words recurring in my head. "I can't wait to meet your husband. He's going to have to have so much Jesus in him...."

I took that for granted.

I have taken that for granted.

Until yesterday. When I went to explain myself to someone who does not share my love for Jesus. And my words got all stopped up in my throat. He didn't understand.

He told me he could see I wanted to change the world. He found this very attractive.

I didn't know what to say. How long had it been since I'd spent time with a man who wasn't running beside me, changing the world right along with me?

I don't want you to watch and admire. There's nothing to admire. This is my life. My love. My passion. My work. I need you to see a need in this world and run to meet it. And I will run into you on that path.

Realizing this, I walked away from yesterday feeling strangely free. Free to move to Colorado. Free to be single. Free to wait a little longer. Free to have high expectations and higher standards.

Free to wait for the big, strong man with light in his eyes and a booming laughter. A man who will push me out of my comfort zone and play with my hair. Who will love children and fall asleep with his head on my lap. Who will climb mountains and go dancing. Who will smell good and have callused hands. A man who will love Jesus more than he loves me, whose ears will be filled with the words of our Father, whose steps will be guided by His will. A man I will respect, a man I can trust.

High expectations.

Expectations God may completely thwart.

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What I'm really waiting for is the whisper in my heart. "There he is."

I will hear it. Maybe not immediately. But I will hear it. I will know.

And I can only pray he will be looking for someone just like me.

A short, scarred, tattooed, argumentative, tempered radical.

Who loves coffee way too much. Whose eyes look really green sometimes.

Who will never ever give him a good gift, and may feel really awkward telling him how handsome he is.

But will see him for who he is. And love him as fully as possible.

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Today, however, I am free.

Today, my house will be full of children decorating for Christmas.

If nothing ever changes.... if I never get this thing my heart so desires... I am still so very lucky.