Running

I have already set a few goals for myself for 2010.

One of them was to run a race. Of any length. Just a race.

For so many reasons. But one of them being because I always thought I couldn't.

Ever since I was thirteen, I told myself that I could not run.

I remember standing on a mountain in Kingdom Come and my entire body shaking because I could not get oxygen in. My lungs would not fill with air.

I remember singing as I hiked the Sheltowee, just trying to catch my breath.

These times are overshadowed every single time I run farther than I thought I could.

And now I've reached a point where my obstacles are all in my head.

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But I cannot get over them on my own.

I hit my limit and cannot make myself go further.

I dont know how to make myself keep running.

I can't keep running alone.

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This is the same point I have reached in my own life.

I need someone to "run" with.

Someone who will make me keep going.

To keep breathing.

To quicken or slow my pace.

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This time, I don't mean a husband.

I don't mean a life partner.

I mean a role model.

A mentor, for a lack of a better word.

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I have a mother. A wonderful, beautiful one.

I dont need another one of those.

But I need a woman I can look up to.

Someone who has been what I am going through.

And made it out alive.

A woman who can say, "yes, I remember that". Rather than, "oh yes, me too."

Someone I trust.

Someone who will push me to be a godly woman. To write a good story for my life. Who will teach me.

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I have been talking with God about this a lot lately.

This desire is one of my greatest right now. Mostly because it stems from a great need.

But searching for a woman like that is one of the most difficult things I've ever done.

But God only knows how much I need this right now.

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Just as much as I need someone who knows how to run.

Who can run farther than I can because they have already done it.

So that when I want to quit - so that when I get tired - there is someone there to tell me to keep going.