Emptied

I hit "E" today.

I had been flirting with the red line for days, weeks.

Exhaustion. Confusion. Decisions. New schedules. All drained me... used up all my energy, my fuel.

I didn't realize how dangerously close I was to empty, until today.

When I finally got there.

When I finally reached the end of myself.

It happened in the middle of the gym.

Not physical exhaustion.

Because I ran my heart out.

No, it was mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. Psychological.

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Tonight was the first Wednesday of the month.

That meant that a very large family was gathering across the Jessamine Co. line.

And they were calling my name.

Somehow, I have always known I can run there when I need to feel safe.

When I have tears that need to be shed, this is where I go.

It is my safe place, my haven.

My God is everywhere in this world. In every nook and cranny.

But I feel Him there. I always have.

-

So I drove. I couldn't get there fast enough.

And I walked in, sat down, and felt myself sink.

The tension left my muscles.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

I had sought Him.

And found Him.

Not because I was in a church building. But because I had deliberately pursued Him, with intention.

-

They opened with the song Desert by Hillsong:


"This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides...."

-

There came the tears.

God had beckoned me there, to comfort and hold me.

And He didn't waste any time letting me know.

-

When things go awry, when our world turns to chaos, we must teach ourselves to return to the heart of worship. To remind ourselves that He has offered all of Himself to us. And it is more than enough. His cup is bigger than ours.... and if we accept the gift, we will overflow.

We must come to Him with an empty cup.

Lift it up high.

"Fill us up, Father".

-

The song ends this way:

"I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow"

-

However, we do not fill up to remain forever full.

If we did not know what emptiness felt like, we would not know the joy of being full. The satisfaction of being satisfied.

So we are filled up.

We are called to go pour out into the world.

And return again.

With empty cups raised high.