Damir

Damir, My boys always wait on me. Looking back, there's always been work on my heart that needs to be done before each of you have been born. And even though you are probably the last, I don't think you will be any different. Your due date has come and gone, my anticipation and apprehension are growing. This pregnancy has flown by in some ways and I can't believe that I'll be able to hold you soon. But holding you hasn't been on my mind much yet. We've been trying to prepare a place for you. Settling in a new house , with more space. Working hard at my job, getting your brothers and sisters through school. The world around us is a mess right now. Sometimes I feel so guilty for bringing you into this world that is so scary. It's been the hardest year of so many of our lives and I can't believe that such a hard year is going to bring us, you. We are so thankful for that. I haven't stopped for long to think about you being here because so many other things needed to be done. You are coming right after the holidays, which you'll quickly learn your mama doesn't love at all. But most of all I think I haven't stopped for very long because I am afraid. I've been a mama long enough I don't worry too much about admitting my fear. And I certainly am not afraid of you. But I'm afraid I won't do a good job of being your mom. That I don't have enough to give, or what it takes. But our family needed you. Silas needed you. I can't wait to learn how to love you. I hope you want to snuggle my neck and until you get here I will be wondering about the color of your eyes. We will do our very best for you, I promise. It is safe for you to come. We are ready for you. We have your place ready. We will do our best to keep you safe. You are loved and wanted. And even when I feel afraid, it's only because I want to do my best for you. It's because I don't want you to feel like you got what was leftover. Or that you weren't chosen. My prayer is you bring completion and peace to this family. And that we will work so hard to allow the peace you bring to overflow into every part of our lives. We are ready for you now, Mama