Why?

It is a question that keeps reverberating through my life...

send it out, it bounces against the world and comes back to me.

Why?

I hate this question.

It requires an answer.

More often than not, my answer is simply to shrug my shoulders, "I don't know why."

But sometimes that isn't good enough.

Sometimes "Why" requires a real answer.

And the reason I hate this question ... is sometimes I hate the answer.

Sometimes the answer is that really, truly, I do not know.

Not a cop out.

Not a dismissal.

I do not know.

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This morning I woke up with a burdening sense of insecurity.

I have not felt this emotion in quite some time.

In fact, I was making steady progress towards self-awareness and acceptance.

So when I rolled out of bed this morning and the burden on my shoulders was heavier than I remembered last night...

I asked "why?".

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More importantly these days...

"Why not?"

"Why don't you?"

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This shifts this question, but not the answer.

Ask me "why" and I respond with "I don't know", I am simply admitting my limited knowledge. I'm unaware of why I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, why there are gallons of tears behind my eyes, why I don't love him anymore, why I won't go up and say hi, why ... why ... why...

Ask me "why not" and I respond with "I don't know", and I have failed to act.

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"Jesus, they are hungry, please give them something to eat."

"Why don't you give them something to eat," He responds.

Why don't you....

There are fewer good responses.

Fewer acceptable excuses.

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I can't.

Why not?

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