Mirrors in the Dark

There is nothing funny about fear.
I got to thinking about this because of Halloween.
Why people pay for other people to scare them to death...
There's nothing funny about fear.
There's something hilarious about people's reactions due to fear.
There's something incredibly funny about what people are afraid OF.
But that electric terror that courses through your veins... no, man, that's not funny.

And so there is a man in my life who wrote about fear last night. He asked us what it is that we fear. My list? 1) Failure. 2)Being lost. 3). Mirrors in the dark. 4) Security alarms. 5)Being alone. 6). Myself.

Myself? Even as I wrote that, I wondered where it came from. And even as I wondered, I got the answer. I am afraid, because most of the time I do not understand myself. I don't understand why I do what I do, or say what I say, or feel what I feel. I don't understand this radical transformation that is taking place...

I am afraid that when it comes down to the wire, the weak part of my soul will go into overdrive. They say when we are put to the test, we more often than not revert back to what we know.

When Jesus extends his hand and gives me my instructions...

My gut reaction is not going to be: "Well, of course, Christ. I've always wanted to live below my means, love beyond my ability, and I don't mind being dirty and cold. Sure, I don't mind if people hate me or scorn me. I'll love them anyway, no problem."

Yeah, right.

Why do I fear myself? Much for the same reason I am afraid of mirrors in the dark. More often than not, I get a sudden glimpse at my reflection... and don't recognize myself. And then I thought of this quote... which I am sure that some of you have heard before. But as you read it, I want you to think about this. Are you afraid of yoursef? If your answer is yes like mine, why? This fear I am feeling is not a funny thing. But it could be such a good thing... signifying change and transformation that is not my own doing.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, georgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are we not to be? You are the child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson."